Poem#5

Don’t say a word… don’t look into my eyes… I might change my mind and be in your arms again…

written last January 27, 2005 (Thursday)

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Don’t Reach Out For Me

If you have no words to say…
“Please, kindly don’t reach out for me.”

Yes, I said it many times…
“I have forgotten all about it”
But I just can’t seem to get over you.

I am moving forward with my new life.
Slowly, but sure, I am creating a new beginning.
Another chapter, another season,
My own story and without you on the pages.

I am moving forward, until you came and said hello…

My walls are crushed,
My heart beating fast,
My hands are cold,
I can barely breathe again…

There is a question that sprung to my head,
“Why?”

Why, suddenly, you reached out for me?
                     Don’t tell me, it is because you wanted to know how I am doing?
Why, out of the blue, you appeared—when you know I don’t want to look back?
                     What is your intention?
Why did you look this way again?
                     When you know that I will be hurting inside when I remember…
Why, so suddenly, you said hello as if you don’t know the effect on me?
                     What do you want me to see?

If there are no more words to say…
“Please, kindly don’t reach out for me.”

You know that I am weak before you.
I am vulnerable to your sweet honeyed words.
Every time you seemed weak I will fall for you
And I will be left lingering again.

You know that I don’t want to look back…
That is why I shut the door between us.
That is why I said that I would never speak to you again.
Do you want to punish me?

My hands are shaking,
My heart is beating loudly,
I want to scream… I want to be angry…

If you have nothing to say… Nothing at all…

“Please… Don’t reach out for me”

Poem#4

You know that everything was through between the two of you. You are trying to move on without him in your life. Although you are moving forward, you can’t deny that you still love him… what if he suddenly talked to you after years of silence? All the memories and buried feelings comes again…

written last January 27, 2005 (Thursday)

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Calling…

I whispered in the wind,
“Be with me…”
Hoping that it will come to you.

But what’s the use of telling it to the wind?
It will take forever or never at all to reach you.

So, I’m speaking out, face down on the ground.
No more shame, no more hiding.

Crush me in the end,or laugh if you want.
Look at me with disgust, or think pathetic of me.

My eyes are shut. My hands are cold.
My heart beats fast. My pride is down.

“…Would you stay with me before you go?”

Why so sudden, you showed up?
Are you calling me?
Do you want to tell me something?

“I’ve always been here,”
                    I’m just not saying it out loud.
“…waiting,”
                    I don’t want to admit it…
“…hoping,”
                    Because I’m afraid to expect anything…
“…that you will reach out for me.”
                    And look like a fool…

Why did you call me once again?
And haunt me in my dreams once more?

“Let me know…”
                    I want to know what’s in your heart…
“Speak to me…”
                    To listen once again to your soul…
“I am here…”
                    Like the way it was before…

Crush me in the end, or laugh if you want.
Look at me with disgust, or think pathetic of me.

I am ready for what ever it will be…

So, I’m speaking out, face down on the ground…

“…Would you stay with me before you go?”